“Welcome to Holland"

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away...because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss. But...if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

I LOVE YOU

By big sister Paige

I love you when you’re happy

I love you when you’re blue

My gosh you’re cuter than Winnie the Pooh

I love that little twinkle in your eye

And when you give that little sigh

Just be the cutest you can be and you will see that

You don’t even have to try!

God Sent To Me An Angel

By Paul Dammann

God sent to me an angel, it had a broken wing. I bent my head and wondered “how could God do Such a thing?”

When I asked the Father why He sent this child to me, the answer was forthcoming, He said “listen and you will see.”

“My children are all precious, and none is like the rest. Each one to me is special and the least is as the best.

I send each one from Heaven and I place it in the care of those who know my mercy, those with love to spare.

Sometimes I take them back again, Sometimes I let them stay. No matter what may happen, I am never far away.

So, if you find an angel and you don’t know what to do, remember I am with you, love is all I ask of you.”

I Refuse To Be Discouraged

I refuse to be discouraged, to be sad or to cry

I refuse to be downhearted and here’s the reason why…

I have a God who’s mighty, who’s sovereign and supreme;

I have a God who loves me, and I am on his team.

He is all wise and powerful, Jehovah is his name;

Though everything is changeable, My God remains the same.

My God knows all that’s happening, from beginning to the end,

His presence is my comfort, He is my dearest friend.

When weakness comes to weaken me, To bring my head down low,

I call upon my mighty God; into his arms I go.

When circumstances threaten, to rob me of my peace;

He draws me close unto his breast, Where all my strivings cease.

And when my heart melts within me, and weakness takes control;

He gathers me into his arms, He soothes my heart and soul.

The great “I AM” is with me, My lil fe is in His hand,

The “God of Jacob” is my hope, It’s in His strength I stand.

I refuse to be defeated, My eyes are on my God;

He has promised to be with me, as through this life I trod.

I’m looking past my circumstances, To Heaven’s throne above

My prayers have reached the heart of God, I’m resting in his love.

I give God thanks in everything, My eyes are on His face;

The battles his, the victory is mine; He’ll help me win life’s race.

Before I was a Mom, I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby. I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous. I never thought about immunizations. Before I was a Mom - I had never been puked on. Pooped on. Chewed on. Peed on. I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts. I slept all night. Before I was a Mom, I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests. Or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes and cried. I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin. I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep. Before I was a Mom, I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put her down. I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt. I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much. I never knew that I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love being a Mom. Before I was a Mom - I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body. I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby. I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child. I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy. Before I was a Mom - I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay. I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom. I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom.